I’m fortunate that my wife takes care of all of our travel
Arrangements. She researches flights, car rentals,
Things to do, and places to see. She diligently looks for
The best deals and the best travel packages.
She even looks for the best seats on a plane. She likes the
Window and I usually like the aisle. And, all of that sort
Of stuff works out just fine. Except for this one flight – a few months
Ago – from LaGuardia to West Palm Beach.
Everything was going along pretty well. We arrived at the airport a
Few hours before boarding. We made our way to the gate. Grabbed
A cup of coffee and we waited for the flight agent to announce when
We were going to board the plane.
The announcement came and we got on line. I think we had
Seats about two thirds of the way towards the back of the plane. We
Headed down the gangway (if that’s what’s called) and found our seats.
We lifted our carry on luggage above our seats and proceeded to sit
Down. It turns out this time I had to sit in the middle seat. No big deal.
And, then I wondered who would be sitting next to me. It turned out
To be a big fella wearing a short sleeve shirt. Of course, I’m also a
Big fella and I was wearing a short sleeve shirt.
The plane took off. And, it wasn’t a moment before we were rubbing our
Hairy arms against each other. Thousands of little hairs soon became
Intimate friends. At first it seemed like we might have a truncated
Mendelssohn Symphony about to happen. The hairs took their time
getting To know each other. Then, my neighbor adjusted his arm and
A long lost wave of home coming. It was like, “hey, I know you. You’re
The hairy arm I met last year on the flight to Denver.
Once I adjusted my arm and it seemed like a silent
symphony began. Well, not really but, you get The idea.
As our arms went through their movements so did the hairy symphony.
At one point where he decided to get up. I guess he
Thought it was intermission. But, he was the only one in the aisle.
After a bit, he sat down again. And, so it continued. I’m convinced
There must have been a conductor in the seat in front of us because
We both started to perspire a little. The fine hairs were now performing
in fake sync like Milli Vanilli from 1989.
I’d like to say this was a euphoric experience. But, that was just not the
Case. It turned in something akin to mud wrestling in an opera pit.
When the conductor’s wand went up … well .. you can imagine what
Was going on.
Over the course of the flight he got up and he sat down. He got up and
He sat down. Remember, he controlled the aisle.
Did my wife notice This symphony hall event in our aisle? Nah. She was
deep into Experiencing the fantasy of her romantic book. Our two
person Hairy Symphony miss her altogether but, I’m sure she got her
share of brain sex.
Another day. Another flight on United Airlines. (Isn’t ironic that we
Booked on United?)