Oddball
Thoughts

The first time I ever saw anyone wearing a mask was my friend Robert Barondess when he dressed up as a pirate for Halloween.  I thought he was really cool.  I’m guessing I was six or seven years old.  I just loved his costume.  He looked so strong and powerful. And, around that time I started watching The Lone Ranger.  He also wore a mask.  I read somewhere that someone asked,  “What’s with the...

Just yesterday life was sweet.  Everything seemed to work the way you expected it to be.  You woke up and brushed your teeth.  The toothpaste tasted just as expected.  You turned on the shower faucet and … eventually .. hopefully .. you got hot water.  You prepared your coffee, pressed a few  buttons and it started to brew.  The toaster toasted, the refrigerator chilled, the frying pan got hot,...

Back in the day when I produced TV spots and public relations videos, I was hired to create a video for the American Heart Association.  They wanted to send out a message to the public about the various types of heart disease and the success modern medicine had using new medicine and treatments. They gathered a group of people who they knew had some kind of a success story.  Now, when you’re...

In the 1950s just about every mother had a bag of expressions that she used on a daily basis.  I’m guessing they were time tested word groups drawn from the family lexicon. And, everytime you heard one, “if I told you once I told you a million times …” it still had meaning (well, some meaning anyway).  My mother’s expressions were Yiddish mixed with English.  Kind of a Pig Latin.  It was a sort...

I'm still amazed how our two lives align the two of us! A pair! Take it as read, old love, I thought I'd never see the time The tangle of our jumpers in the line, the battle for the blankets in our bed confirm that I am yours, and you are mine. So then, this is my pledge, my valentine: my hand's in yours for all that lies ahead. Oh love, there's never been a better time now that I'm yours, and...

I was sitting in the student lounge talking to a friend about nothing.  Or, maybe I was staring at the wall. Or, something like that.  And, out of the blue comes this tall, attractive brunette. “Something in the way she moves Attracts me like no other lover.” Well, she had me at hello. We talked for a while.  I can’t really say I remember the conversation.  But, you know they say?  Everything...

A flat boy can do almost anything! “Stanley Lambchop is an ordinary boy. At least he was, until the night his bulletin board fell off the wall and flattened him. All of a sudden, Stanley can slide under doors, mail himself across the country in an envelope, and fly like a kite!” /Jeff Brown A few years ago, our Grandson Tobin, was given an assignment from his Third Grade class. His teacher gave...

I’m looking for a joke.  Not any joke but, the best joke I ever heard.  It was the kind of joke that hit my funny bone really, really hard. The first time I heard it, I couldn’t stop laughing.  And, the more I heard it, the more I laughed.  It just might have been the funniest joke I ever heard.  It’s the kind of joke you read on the internet and you burst out laughing all by yourself.  And,...

I can’t exactly say I remember when he first walked into our lives.  But, I do remember it only took about three seconds to realize this puppy was meant to be part of our family.  I’m guessing someone brought him to us.  Or, we found him in a Christmas box at a shopping mall.  The details are foggy.  It was 1972 or 1973.  We lived on Staten Island about a mile from the Staten Island Ferry...

When I was 9, I was sure I had a magic power. I lived on the 6th floor of an apartment building in Forest Hills, Queens. One day, for no particular reason, I decided to walk downstairs to the Lobby. I don’t think this was the first time for this event. I seemed to recall that I liked taking the stairs. Maybe it allowed me the opportunity to burn off some pent up energy. Or, maybe I hated being...

What if you could do it all over? Let’s assume your birthing event was part of your destiny. Your parents Would still be your parents. Your home would still be your home. You were loved from the onset. You were fed, housed and You came from a relatively happy home. From ages 0-15 it was all pre-planned. Your neighborhood, friends, Religious training, poker games, Playing war with refrigerator...

I don’t understand guilt. Never did. Never will. You just can’t Make me feel guilty to do something that I don’t want to do. I don’t get that feeling that supposedly gnaws at your conscience. Maybe I’m lucky? My mother never made me Feel guilty of anything and I didn’t grow up Catholic. I also don’t understand prayer. But, that’s a topic for another Writer’s group. And, I certainly don’t...

As far as I’m concerned there are two kinds of people in the world: Those who are precise. And, those who are not precise. The precise people always need to know exact information; What, where, when, how and how much? Those who are imprecise just need a general idea that they should always bring their glasses, make sure their socks are on the right feet and be sure to pull up their pants. The...

How’s your day going so far? Are you feeling okay? Any Trouble getting out of bed? Got any pains or aches? Were you Able to step into your underwear without landing on your Butt? Is everything in focus. Did you check the news? That’s Always to a good way to start your day on the wrong foot. I don’t know if it’s just me or, that I just happen to know a bunch of People who seem to get started with...

When you get to be my age you have plenty of time to Think about what you might have wanted to be in your Life. A doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, an architect… Of course, the List could go on and on. Or, if you’re like me you might have wanted to be a circus acrobat (or, a Guy who just stood on top of an elephant in a three ring circle), A helicopter pilot, a boardwalk barker (oh, wait, I was...

I can’t change my bad habits. There, I said it. I’m 75 years old and I’ve finally realized that my bad habits are what make me …me. And, I don’t really think my bad habits are so bad. What’s the big deal if I bite your nails? I’m sure dinosaurs did it. Or, at least gorillas, orangutans and monkeys do it. Well, if they don’t they should. And, who needs a stupid nailClipper? Mine is built in. My...

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, The impossibles, the won’t. Listen to the never haves, Then listen to me…. Anything can happen child. Anything can be.” /Shel Silverstein For the first 20 years of my live I didn’t think I could. Because I listened to the couldn’ts. You can’t jump off That chair. You’ll break your neck. You can’t leave the...

I like round things. Not squares, not hexagons, not even parallelograms.  I never Liked geometry or trigonometry … just round things. If it had to do it with a Straight line, it just wasn’t my thing. Well… unless the line Led me to a round thing. I dunno. Maybe it all started when I was denied the opportunity to breast feed. Or, maybe it was on my first date at an indoor movie house? It’s hard...

(Long Pause) What are you doing? Nothing What’s nothing? It’s the opposite of something. How do you do nothing? I dunno. It’s a time/space sort of thing. Really? Yeah. Well, how do you do it? I’m not entirely sure but, I can tell you this… I’m an expert At it. Really? Yeah. I can sit in front of a TV and see and hear nothing. I’m actually an expert at this. Sometimes you just need to lay in your...