Jan 31, 2024

When you’re retired you have a lot of time on your hands.

“Sometimes I sits and thinks and, sometimes I just sits.”
/Satchel Paige

That’s actually a pretty good quote because it kind of sums up my retired life.  Of course, when I “thinks” that’s when I kind of go off the rails.  I think of what is and what could be.  I think of what I should do and what I’m actually doing.  I think about which store I should go to for our grocery shopping (oh, this list goes on and on … “this store has a bunch of 2-for-ones”, “this store has cream cheese” – bless their souls), “this store has shitty bagels” (shame shame on them)…the mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Sometimes I think I could be a great songwriter. Like these couple of lines:

“I don’t want to set the world on fire.  I just want to set a flame in your heart.”
/The Inkspots

And, sometimes – for no particular reason – I just sits and thinks about stuff I’d like to know more about …. Like a woman’s pocketbook.  It’s really an amazing contraption.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a shoulder bag, handbag or, purse.  In reality it’s just a portable storage container.

So, what’s in it?

Ah, let’s cut to the chase.  It’s got keys and keys.  More keys than you could possibly know what they open.  And, glasses .. regular glasses, sunglasses and reading glasses because .. you never know…  It’s got tissues and band aids and medicines .. Medicines for your tummy, your headaches and ear ache and muscle ache.  And, make up… You just have to have make up.  Blush and lipstick and eye liner and a nail cutter and nail file.  And eye shadow and eye shadow remover.  And, lipstick remover. And, nail color remover.  Because the night is young and you might want to change your mood.  It’s got an elegant night watch that you can’t read and a day watch with numbers so large that they can’t fit in your pocketbook.  There’s a checkbook and a cell phone and a few ball point pens that always seem to be dry. And, then there are writing pads with lists.  To do lists … to don’t lists .. to remember lists … and, lists of restaurants and reviews .. and, receipts from CVS.  Well, I wouldn’t really call them receipts.  They’re more like a talllitot (a prayer shawl for religious Jews).  A typical CVS receipt can be wrapped around your shoulders and touch both sides of the ground. And, sometimes there’s even a can of repellent for bugs and one for those who bug you.

Why does it have so many zippers?

It’s like a file cabinet.  Medicines here, keys there, phone here .. but, here’s the funny thing.  When the phone rings .. good luck finding the right compartment.

Why are the contents such a secret?

Why can a man get away with only carrying his phone, keys and wallet (and, maybe a handkerchief) and a woman has to carry a loaded potato?  Do women really need to carry butter, sour cream, a roll or tin foil and the entire microwave oven?

The pocketbook.  The mystery of mysteries.  Don’t leave home without it.