Does technology make your life easier? I don’t know.

I tried to make an appointment with my doctor. In the old days, you called their office and scheduled an appointment. Easy peasy. These days you need to be a computer genius. Go onto the doctor’s office website. Type in your User Name and Password. WAIT. Who has a User Name and Password for their
Doctor’s office? Maybe I set one up four years ago. User Name: drpokeme? Password: Ibreakyourface2ZK? No. That doesn’t work. Here we go with the set up new user name and password. And, of course you need to fight with their website because you didn’t type an Upper AND Lower Case Letter. And, Z is not acceptable. Do it again. And, it is rejected. Do it again. And, it is rejected again. AGGGGH!!

I think I’ll try to schedule an airline flight. But, instead of going to the airline’s website I’ll go to EXPEDIA or some such intermediary. This time they try to hook you into using their site by asking you questions about your travel plans. Even before you can determine if this is the best place to look for deals. Where are you going? When are you going? Who’s going? How many travelers? Is it okay to sit next to a fat guy who farts? Do you mind sitting next to a window so you have to wake up the two people next to you so you can go pee? Do you mind if we give you a used wipe for your table? (We’re trying to save money). Would you like a seat that doesn’t crush your knees into your chin? Two more inches will cost you $200.

Have you tried to order groceries on-line? Go to the grocery store’s website. User Name and Password. ARRRRGH. Once you get to the website you get to see what’s available for delivery. I want fresh cherries. You can buy 1 – 100. How many would you like? Do you want today’s cherries or yesterday’s cherries? Artichokes? Big ones, medium or small ones? Sharp tips or cut? From California or Uzbekistan? Fresh fish? Still flapping or just laying there in ice? With the head or without? What we received today or last week? Does it matter if it smells?

Have you ever downloaded the UBER App? Click on it. No user name or. password. YAY!! Where are you going? Do you mind if we load the car with 16 other riders? Are you in rush? Take a look at our map. We’ll pick you up at the corner next to the seedy bodega that’s next to the Blood Donation Center. The driver’s name is Nahamarando. He’s driving a Blue Russian with tinsels on the back.

Have you tried to book a parking spot in a NYC garage? Go on their site. No user name or password. When do you want to park here? How long do you want to stay here? If you return one minute late we charge for an extra five hours. When you arrive at the garage it’s not unusual for the garage attendant to tell you he doesn’t have any spaces left. This is like the Seinfeld routine. “Did you get my reservation? Yes. But, we don’t have any spaces. Do you understand what a reservation is all about? Yes. You are supposed to hold the space until I get there. Don’t be a wise guy. I’m not being a wise guy. Well, the most important part of the reservation is that you hold the reservation. The taking of the reservation is the easy park.”

I could go on and on about paying for a parking spot using the keypad in the parking lot. It’s powered by a solar panel. You can just imagine how reliable that is. Or, ordering a specialty pizza. You want chicken and pineapple on your pizza? Really? Or, trying to order from a delivery intermediary like Grub Hub. Which
Store are you ordering from. We don’t work in that delivery area.

As you can tell. I’m not a big fan of using technology to make my life easier. Give me a rotary phone any day of the week.