Bad Habits

Nov 8, 2023

I can’t change my bad habits. There, I said it. I’m 75 years old and
I’ve finally realized that my bad habits are what make me …me.
And, I don’t really think my bad habits are so bad.

What’s the big deal if I bite your nails? I’m sure dinosaurs did it.
Or, at least gorillas, orangutans and monkeys do it. Well, if they don’t they should.
And, who needs a stupid nailClipper? Mine is built in. My teeth do the job just fine.
Okay, so it looks kind of weird when I’m doing “the trim “in public. It often looks like I’ve just finished Eating ribs and I’m savoring the left over sauce. Except I always need to
Figure out what to do with the clippings. But, even if you use a nail clipper
you have that same problem. Unless you’re someone who spits them out
Now that’s a bad habit on top of a bad habit.

Another one of my bad habits has to do with passwords. Everything I’ve read tells me
that I Shouldn’t repeat any previous passwords. So, every time I ‘m asked
For a password I create a new one. And, then … they ask me to type it again
IDo you think I remember what I just created? Would you remember
KissMyTuh66Duh? Or, ShutuM66Duh? I don’t know about you but, I can’t
Remember a password for more than one second. So, you’d think I
Would write it down? What a great idea. Except I never remember
Which letters I capitalized. And, after you can’t get it right, on the 3rd pass,
You’re told that you can’t get back into their site for 24 hours. So 24 hours later forgot
My User Name. I hate Passwords.

Now here’s a bad habit that doesn’t seem so bad. I have a long standing agreement with
my wife about dirty dishes.
Whoever cooks, the other person washes the dishes. For the most part
This deal works pretty well. Except I won’t wash dishes until 10PM.
My logic? If I wash them sooner, it ruins the memory of a lovely meal.
This deal doesn’t always work between an OCD person and a
Delayer. So, when 9PM rolls around the OCD person sometimes
Jumps in to fight the decaying food plates. While I raise my hand to
Contest, the dishes are already done. Maybe I could move up my rule
To 9:45PM? Or, maybe not. After all, I still have a solid lingering
Memory of a wonderful meal.

I also have some bad bathroom habits. But, I’ll save those for when we
All smoke a lot of pot and get into a bathroom stupor.

I’ve always been a wise guy. It’s just in my blood. I often find most
“Senior” conversations extremely boring. They talk about too many
Aches and pains, too many hospitalizations, too many “one up man”
Experiences; “well, you think you went through some shit, you need
To hear my shit.” Or, they talk about politics or property taxes or,
Whatever. The only way I can turn the tide of these boring conversations
Is to throw in a left field comment. “Did you hear what Howard Stern
Said last night?” That usually turns the tide. Or, they ignore me and
Get right back to talking about what they were talking about. That’s the
Point where I signal my wife it’s time to head home. She usually
Gives me “the look” but agrees to leave within the hour.

Here’s a bad habit that most of us share; I have a hard time changing my eating habits.
I like what I like. Try something new? Well, maybe but, I’m sure I won’t like it
At a certain age you just know what foods give you pleasure. I love Welsh’s Grape
Juice. Every time I drink a small glass of this stuff I get a pleasure orgasm in my
Brain. It’s like no other drink. Last week Mary Anne found a 2 for 1 special at Publix.
Now, that’s a double orgasm. Wow! I also like green olives with stuffed pimentos.
And, cheese .. just about any kind. But, ask me to eat boiled okra. No way. Or, calves
Liver. Uggh. Well, I’m still open to trying new foods but, I’m pretty sure I won’t like them.

Listening. Not my greatest strength. If someone doesn’t engage me right away in a
Conversation or reading or lecture I tend to drift off. I think there’s a connection between
Changing my food habits and changing my listening habits. I have to like it or understand
What I’m hearing or else I drift off into never never land. That doesn’t always sell well when my wife is talking to me. What do I drift off into? Sometimes I look out the
Window to see if any women are wearing bikinis by the pool. That’s always s great diversion. Now, how I earned a Graduate Degree from New York University is still a mystery to me.

I have many more bad habits. Too many to rant about today. Maybe we’re all bad habiters?
Maybe it’s just human nature. Or, maybe we’re just a bunch of selfish shits. It’s possible, you