I think you could call this my Andy Rooney rant. For those of you
Who don’t remember him, Andy was the curmudgeon opinion
Commentator on CBS 60 Minutes from 1969-2011. “Rooney typically
offered satire on a trivial everyday issues, such as the cost of groceries,
annoying relatives, or faulty Christmas presents. Rooney’s appearances
on “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney” often included whimsical lists, such
As types of milk, bottled water brands, car brands, and sports mascots.”
My rant includes subjects that annoy me in 2023. Although I must say
That many of my rants cover a similar territory as Andy’s. Maybe we share
The same parents. Although I think that would have been a medical
Back in the day (whenever that was), we seemed to have more of
Just about everything we bought at the store. For example there is air
Freshener aerosol cans. My mother used to put a can in the bathroom.
And, it seemed last about ten years. Now, maybe we sprayed less back
Then. Or, maybe we ate different foods that didn’t deliver the same
Lingering … you know …. Oder. But, these days, a can of this stuff
Seems to last about two weeks. So, are the manufacturers filling the
Cans with less anti-smell stuff? Or, are we using more? The jury is out.,
It’s the same issue with a small box of tissues. Back in the day, these
Boxes seemed to last on the bedside table for at least a few months.
Today? Maybe a there are 12 tissues in each box. And, I don’t know
About you but, I sneeze a lot more than I used to. So, I go through a
Box in a week. That’s probably about 75 cents a tissue. Maybe I should
Start using the other side? Oh, come on, it’s only a sneeze.
Have you been dining at any fancy restaurants lately? I mean the really
Fancy ones where appetizers start at $30 each and entrees start at $60
Per plate. Have you notices that the descriptions are more wordy and
Filled with language that you have to look up on Google? Well, it seems
To me that the wordier the menu description, the smaller the entree.
I’m sorry but I didn’t expect my grilled salmon to be the size of an
Aspirin. Or, the lamb chops to be the size of George Washington Quarter.
The only thing that’s large in these restaurants is the bill. That, my friends
Is a big bite out of your wallet.
And, then there’s the too much stuff. Let’s start with your television.
Do you really watch the shows on 265 stations? Wrestling in Spanish?
How to properly pluck a pigeon on the Food Network? The debates at a
City Council Meeting in Intercourse, Pennsylvania? Just keep flipping
Through the stations you’ll soon discover you watch about five stations.
And, maybe a movie channel. Although I can do without The Texas
Now, let’s go shopping at one of the big box stores like COSCO. “Now
Honey, we only need some cheese, a few vegetables and a loaf of
Bread.” Sounds good. Let’s start with Lane One. Maybe I need a new
Diamond ring or, a gold watch or, a new computer or a 120” large screen
TV? Well, those aisles will surely break the bank before you even get
started Shopping. How ‘bout a 25 lb box of laundry detergent? Or, a 120
piece set of Allan Wrenches? Look, let’s just get that 35 lb of American
Cheese, 12 loaves of bread and a 50 lb. Case of cherries and get out of
I love barbecued ribs. So, we go to our favorite barbecue restaurant.
And, I’m confronted with a choice. A half rack our a whole rack.
Do I have a clue what size the cow was? Will my order fit on a plate,
Platter or kitchen pan? Is there enough room on the table for my order?
And, what do I do with the bones and my greasy fingers? A fella’s got
To know what he’s getting into these days.
Cars are large and expensive. Houses are, too. Even jet fighters cost
Millions of buckeroonies. And, don’t get me started on lawyers, eggs,
Hamburgers and nuts.
So, that’s where I leave this. It all makes me nuts.